Recently a client approached me for coaching but balked when I explained that the process was a partnership and that she would be required to do a great deal of the work. Coaching clients must have a genuine desire to make progress and be prepared to devote the time, energy and resources to work with the coach. They must be ready to trust the coach and expose vulnerabilities. Ultimately, they must be willing to engage in honest introspection and accept the responsibility to make the change.
We revere personal development. Individuals with strength of character are figures to be admired. However, if we ourselves desire success, it is far easier to take the path of least resistance, to seek the short-cut. In the past, people were farmers; they expected to sow in order to reap. In contemporary times we look for the hacks and quick fixes.
In his widely-acclaimed book, 'Seven Habits', the late Stephen Covey differentiates between two paths to success, the personality ethic, which are methods and techniques for achieving success and the character ethic, which posited that it was only upon making real and deep improvements in one's character that success would follow. Historically, the character ethic was the guiding light to genuine accomplishment. This ideal proposed that there are fundamental principles for effective living which must be integrated into one’s basic character in order to achieve lasting happiness.
Shortly after the First World War, success literature shifted its focus to the personality ethic. This implied that success was a function of human and public-relations techniques and positive mental attitude. Public image, affirmations, dress and social performance were advocated and character development was firmly demoted to second place.
Success literature in this area advocated techniques such as addressing people by their name. “Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in the English language. Some parts of this philosophy are inspiring and valid, whereas others such as smiling, making eye-contact and expressing an interest in their hobbies, cross the line into manipulative behaviours if not engaged in genuinely.
The character ethic can be compared to a map and the personality ethic to the techniques employed to reach the destination. Skills are useful but the map is essential. Building character is the foundation upon which the personality ethic can be implemented. It is only once you have developed your character to become a responsible person with qualities such as dignity, self-respect, respect for others, humility and integrity that you can use the techniques of the personality approach successfully.
Authenticity has also made a come-back in recent years, particularly in the coaching field. Descartes first proposed the idea of authenticity as following a moral inner voice. However, being true to oneself is not enough. A society that attempts to survive without basic principles of humanity is doomed to failure. One of the seven Noachide laws, given by God to all humanity, instructs man to establish courts of law. Without law and order, society descends into anarchy. One of the first things a group of survivors do is to elect a leader in an attempt to establish a governing system. Values and principles are the bedrock of any culture. Authenticity thus, combined with the character ethic relies on honest introspection based on the principles of our prevailing culture.
If you follow this formula, you will not be exposed as a fraud because you are not one. You will not need to fake an interest in other people or use techniques to get other people to like you because you will truly value other people’s contribution and you will be someone who commands respect.
On Chanukah, when we light the menorah, remember that the Jewish People is enjoined to be a light unto the nations. This carries a unique responsibility. Whilst it behooves us all to constantly strive for character development, it is particularly incumbent on role models to display exemplary habits.
Life has been compared to a descending escalator. If we don't constantly climb, we automatically fall. Since everything living either grows or dies, we either develop ourselves or stagnate. However, anything not connected at the source cannot sustain itself.
The source of the Jewish people is God and His Torah. The Torah and all teachings that are derived from it form the blueprint for us to live happy, fulfilled and righteous lives. Guided by the Torah we can live lives of intention and purpose, continuing to let the candle of our heritage burn strong and to be the beacon of light for the world.
Coaching Casual is a concise online course that provides you with the skills necessary to increase your impact with your students, children and clients.
Discussion point. Are you a proponent of sow and reap, or do you look for the quick fix? Please leave your comments below.
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