COACH'S VIEW
Alexander Graham Bell may have his critics in the form of mothers of teenage daughters but personally I am grateful to him. Telephone coaching allows me to practise active listening skills without visual distractions, and has an efficient disregard for geographical distance. As I open my first session with Shira, we shift seamlessly into our roles. I introduce her to the general coaching process, whereby the coach is an impartial third party challenging and stretching the client to set goals and achieve them through accountability.
I question, reminded of the game of Operation. It takes intense concentration to extricate the relevant body part without touching the metal surround. One beep and your turn is over. I am pleased to see that we dance well together. I ask, Shira considers, then answers. She is game to complete her first assignment. Following my directive, she splits her life into different facets, opting to introduce her own areas to the wheel. Carefully considering the varying sectors of her life, she settles on her final choice. Reassuring Shira that she does not need to aim for equal scores in each of the life areas, I stress that whilst it is important to have equilibrium in her life everyone’s interpretation of balance is individual.
The coaching process is a wondrous journey. With no destination, we stand little chance of ever arriving. When clear goals are set, we are able to start out purposefully. One day we hope to arrive at our journey’s end and look back at the long road travelled, seeing the obstacles that we have overcome and feel a very real sense of accomplishment. A coach, in its British definition, is a mode of transport and this most accurately expresses my role. As facilitator of the journey, I use the tools in my arsenal to keep my client on track.
As I steer the conversation towards goals, Shira admits that she is not a goal setter. I consider this a testament to her easy nature, which is something she is able to tap into later in the session. In response, I decide to go for the jugular. Using the element of surprise, I throw her a question she is not anticipating. Apparently we have moved from board games to tennis. The ball is in her court. She rapidly lobs back a response so certain, I pause to give her time to change her mind. She turns it over trying it on for size, then repeats her answer, with a slight qualification. She is first and foremost a mother. It is her raison d’etre.
Setting her goal, Shira meets a very real obstacle. In her capacity as mother, she may be able to juggle but she cannot perform magic. A day consists of only twenty four hours anyway you look at it. I wonder about improving the quality of time spent with her children as opposed to quantity. Shira likes this idea.
At this stage, she has broken down her long term and general goal of being a good mother into a very specific and short term goal of meaningful interaction at suppertime.
As we ease into an action plan, the session is drawing to a close. Shira sets herself homework, the premise being that by the client owning the solution, there is a deeper level of commitment. The coach-client relationship is not to be taken for granted. Our session has run smoothly, Shira a willing player.
Upon reflection, I cast my mind back to my first encounter with the concept of coaching. My mind conjured up images of the unrelenting sports coach demanding, prodding, insisting until the athlete’s muscles burn, elated as he soars triumphant towards a victory so sweet he can taste it. Now it is I, who watches from the side lines, a reflective shadow of my client’s dreams and aspirations, as she accesses new places within herself, delving to reach parts of her that she doesn’t yet recognise, examining each piece as if for the first time. Initially hesitant, then with growing confidence, she puts together the puzzle to create something so beautiful and exquisite it makes my heart leap. And as I identify this thrill, I feel that I am part of something truly great.
Next week: Is Shira’s motivation to achieve her long term goal high enough to ensure she sticks to her action plan?
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